There’s a new film series that premiered last week I think at USIU. Its called Usoni and its supposedly a sci fi about emmigration from Europe to Africa in the future when england goes to the dogs. Also a friend Kabirium is writing a novel thats sort of Resident evilesque and based on the suburb of Karen (
This got me thinking, would we really survive the apocalypse? Is Africa, nay Kenya ready to handle zombies, nuclear holocaust or a plague? Let’s look at the facts.

Here you have to agree we are screwed. Its not even that our police force can barely control an angry mob of 20 year old rioters let alone blood thirsty flesh munching monsters but that we have barely any security to handle the sort of masses we’re talking about. Nairobi has 2.5 million slum dwellers. If you’ve been to a slum or even seen a picture of one then you know it doesnt take much effort to break into one of the homes there. So Imagine 2.5 million determined murderous hungry creatures roaming about…ah yes your fence is made of kei apple? You’re going down! Zombies dont care about thorns. I predict like two days after the zombie apocalypse Nairobi will have fallen and the outskirts will be next. Villages with houses that have thin doors…gone. Think about it…use your imagination. Picture Kibera in your mind’s eye..and drop one zombie in the mix. Tell me the only thing you see isnt carnage and Ill tell you your mind’s broken.

Nuclear Holocaust
Have you watched the Book of Eli? Or any disaster movie for that matter? When the president of ‘merica is told not to warn the people of their impending doom because of mass rioting and panic? Now picture that here in Kenya. Not that the bombs were dropped her lol (noone wants to nuke us trust, we arent thaaat special yet) but in europe, asia and merica. All these lands have been devasted by the fallout, their governments have collapsed. What do you think will happen here? The dollar goes up by three shillings the governor of CBK has to change his pants, crude oil prices skyrocket the price of flour goes up 6 shillings, prices of Coffee in Brazil drop and our economists start panicking. Post election violence was about where and who you were born to, about something as trivial as ethnic background and who you voted for, that small little thing brought this country to its knees. Now Imagine those same people whose only hope of survival is violence against their fellow man, kill or be killed…I give Kenya a week after the nuclear holocaust before we’re dead.

Remember the ebola scare at Kenyatta Hospital about two years ago. This lady took a cab to the hospital with her friend as she was haemoraging from her orifices. Her friend later left via matatu and the cab guy had left hours earlier in his taxi presumably because he had another client. So aside from the doctors we can assume that if those two people may have infected about 40 other people by the end of the day directly, and those forty will have infected another 800 people by the end of the next day if we extrapolate that data. That is if, the ebola was airborne like H1N1 but thank god you’ve to touch bodily fluids (ech) to get infected. Anyway my point is if we cant trust our largest government health facility to contain it and that it has one of the largest bus stops in our capital city that passengers going to the largest urban slum in Africa pass through then maybe the plague will easily wipe out our country. Everytime you step into a matatu or bus know that the cramped, warm conditions in that vehicle are perfect for viruses and bacteria to hop from person to person. The plague, will wipe us out in two weeks assuming that the disease kills in three days.

There you have it, Usoni the series is a joke. A terrible one. Maybe thats why its science fiction :p Stay safe people, avoid people who stare at you vacantly like you’re meat, stock up on canned goods and buy a facemask for all that disease out there. The apocalypse is nigh.

TTYL world

Kenya and the Apocalypse (we’re all going to die)


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