My new competition The Next Big Socialite will be epiiiic (mordecai and rigby voice.) Ive read every Ghafla! Article on the matter and i think Im ready to usher in the next pseudo celebrity and i trust that my comrades over at Team Mafisi will assist me in this endeavor. First I would like to make sure that some points are clear on the criteria for joining TNBS (abbreviations always make it seem much cooler)
1. She has to be willing to pose nude or semi nude for twitter and instagram. This will be her launching platform into the minds, hearts, pants and left hands of the kenyan collective mass man mind. The minute this happens pictures will be shared through whatsapp facebook and all sorts of team mafisi media (TMM).
2. All partcipants have to have at least an IQ above 120 but willing to act as dumb as a block of bricks. Socialites arent allowed to be clever, you need to seem daft and accesible so that men think “yeah, i could trick her into bed with me given the chance.” hence all the free drinks and money and stuff, which brings me to my next point
3. Can never declare where her money comes from, just say stuff like “various business investments.” yeah we know you’re sleeping with someone for the chums to go to dubai, nigeria, thailand and the seychelles but lie to us eh, kenyans like being lied to. Its why we watch news every day.
4. Pretty face? Nah come on kenyan men are not that shallow, my research shows that no matter how UGLY AS F… Some of these socialites are they still have a following. The avergae kenyan man is basically the black steretype. Child bearing hips and baby feeding tits (thats tits and ass for those who arent following.) the irony of calling the show the next big socialite is that all the socialites with the exception of hoodrat monroe are these HUGE females who id never allow to get ontop during sex. I can just see the obituary now.
“We regret to announce the loss of Adam Kiboi, blogger,anarchist and part time ninja, due to the stupidity of allowing Maura Malaya to get ontop during sex. He was subsequently smothered to death by her never ending mass. She did not feel him dying under her as she has been numbed from feeling by allowing her picture to permeate throughout kenyan social media merely to get a few invites to parties. Adam we’re out of words but you shall be mis…”
ok thats all i could really squeeze out of that topic in my drafts lol. It had been sitting there for months and if i didnt write anything now itd be there again till next year. TTYL