Good morning readers. I hope you all slept all nice like, at least those of you living GMT+3. To the rest of earth may you awaken with neck cramps. Anyway once i was done stalking all of you on facebook i started reading random posts on my blog roll and i came across one of Olivia’s (most of you know her as the Big Breasted Blogger or BBB…ok no-one does but…lets make it a thing.) Her post was bout how everyone kept whining that we should all vote and nag nag nag its imposrtant and nag nag nag.
Btw olivia is currently calling me a whiny little tumblr(spelling?) bitch because of an ealier post…#buuurn
Anyway I wont lie for a while there i was one of those “you should vote or you’ll go to hell” zombies that hummed the IEBC tune even when taking a piss. That was until i realised that we are all victims of brainwashing! And no its not aliens or mutants or anything cool like that its ourselves and these so called politicians who did the washing of the brain.
In this post i intend to bash at some of the lies they would have us believe. Also ill be tossing in random quips because…this ones going to be looooong.
1. Your vote counts.
Wolololo this is the worst one! I should vote because my vote can make a difference? Hahahaha unless i have that loliondo magic juice and it actually works the chances of my votes actually making a difference stand at 1 in 60 million. As in once every something hundred million years one persons vote miiiiiiiight decide who gets to be prezzie! Your vote isn worth jack sh*t. Your more likely to get mauled by a stray hippo in kenya than be THAT guy who made all the difference in the election.
2. This is your chance to be heard, ‘Toa Sauti!!!’
This one is as dumb as the previous one, i could have gone into that polling booth drawn a unicorn, eaten my ballot paper or just scriblled ‘wazzzuuuuuuuuup’ on the back and none of you would have known. You voting in no way voiced your opinions and in no way contributed your ideas in policy making. You should have stayed home and tweeted lol.
3. Vote for change and better governance.
Aaaaactually Mr. Self Righteous Voter when you voted and we got the same old incompetent, useless, corrupt, goat eating idiot who will later screw up into office you screwed up. You caused the problem; you voted them in. I on the other hand (who stayed in drunk and chain smoking) who never voted am in no way responsible for what these politicos will do. In fact as a non voter i have EVERY right to be mad at you for screwing the country up. SHAME ON YOU. Now mr self righteous voter you’ll say that my not voting impeded the qualified candidate from winning but alas, as previously stated a single vote dows not count and the outcome would be the same. Although, I may have wasted a day in a line.
We interrupt this rant to bring you some random sexism…
I love to treat my girlfriend so i get her to text me when she leaves work. I get the hot water running, swirl it around so its all foamy and bubbly and time it juuuust right so that when gets home, the dishes are piled up and ready for washing.
And now back to the seriousness
4. Its your duty as a Kenyan and your democratic right.
Really? Trying to pull the morality card eh? Ati since voting and the freedom to do it came at such a high price (see mau mau, independence struggles and all other outdated history at wickipedia) and that the stakes are so high its our duty to make sure the right candidate wins?
Shut up Mr. Self Righteous voter! Unless you took the time to sufficiently educate yourself enough to make decisions about complex policy issues by proxy your argument is moot. The average kenyan does not know jack shit about governance and policy research and creation and thus it is morally wrong to assume they made informed decisions when they voted. Its your right as a kenyan not to vote in ignorance. Why do you think we have tribal politics hmm?
5. Voting is how the country decides i.e it shows the will of the people.
Lies…lies…lies. Me saying im a virgin is more beleivable than that statement. The population of kenya is around 30 million right? 14million were registered voters(less than half) and only 12maillion of those voted. President elect won with 50+1% meaning he had about 6million votes. So 20 percent of the entire population reflects the will of the people? BULLKaKa
so there you have it, why you wasted a perfectly good public holiday hahaha. And by the way for the idealistic people who voted for Dida, Karua, Muite or Peter Kenneth the ka pretty biy…idiots. Like really? You absolutely had no shame when you walked to that polling station, wasted a whole day and voted for someone YOU KNEW WAS GOING TO LOSE. Your as bad as Mr. Self Righteous voter if not worse. And readers Olivia the BBB has said that even for a tribe that’s always ok with 2nd best the luyha’s tired of Madvd(i think thats Mudavadi) and didn even bother voting for him. Note that was not from me but her.