PATRICK WISDOM

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Hello people,

I am the new author on the blog. I will properly introduce myself in a subsequent post. For now, I will leave you with a few of my more (in)famous sayings as chronicled by my former flat mate. The type of retardation below is why I have chosen to make this blog my haven – a place where I can freely smile at the cheshire cat and ponder whether the cat exists beyond the smile…

PATRICK WISDOM

Talking about really fat little kids:
“Might as well just stab them and feed them to cats.”

“What if there was a reproducing sex sector, where the sex workers marry each other
and have sex worker babies who they train.”

“I can’t count syllables. Ah! That has made eighteen—no… twenty… no, how old am I?
Nineteen years of my life difficult.”

“I’m going to hire people to train my women to not cause me problems.”

‎”Ow! This is why parents tell their children to be careful when playing with yoyos.”

‎”I wish I had Darwin’s brain. But better, and more awesome. And more like Einstein’s.”

‎”Seriously, Patrick Murimi Njoroge’s bathroom looks like the abandoned lair of a meth-
whore”

“I’m trying to decide if I want to be Gadhaffi or an embodiment of all African leaders…”

“I don’t have a girlfriend. If I wake up and find someone snuggling with me in my bed I
will probably attack first and ask questions later.”

“Girls stifle creativity because they bring sex to the shower. I just want to freestyle and
sing but I can’t do that if I’m having sex.”
“Sometimes I love vagueness… I wear a vague crown on my head, and smile vaguely.
In vagueness.”

“Girls watch out when you’re dancing an’ Daddy’s drunk.”

“I feel like a sexy mistake.”

“Man, every time I drink tequila while trying to study… it just doesn’t work out. Like
sometimes I go to Gerts at midday and have a tequila sunrise and get some work done,
but all it makes me want to do is have another one.”

“Imagine if men had periods. Nothing would get done. EVER.”

“I found a pimple on my knee. And it said to me… yes they talk, but only in tongues…”

“I like friends with weird names.”

“Your face is a spatial mistake.”

“This is lyrical blasphemy.”

“What are you supposed to do? I mean what do you do when guys just start slapping
each other’s cocks?”

“Girls in the summer you actually have to do stuff with in the daytime. Winter girls are
really just for warming your bed at night. Fall girls have to be crazy.”

“Screw you! You and your happiness!”

“Oh that’s what it is! That music was making me feel like Pinky and the Brain in space.
Or one of Warner Brothers earlier animals in space.”

“I’m not constipated I just hold it in.”

“You look like you just escaped from a vegetable prison.”

“If you have eaten my cum, I cannot lose an argument to you.”

To make a point, in a completely different kind of conversation:
“Jesus was not a tree.”

“Why does my liver not want toxins right now?”

“In the winter I had more important things to worry about. Like the weather and
sleeping.”

“Thank God! I’m finally getting over my mangy crackwhore faze.”

“There’s so many things going on in my head as I talk—some things I believe and some
things I don’t at all—that it all comes out together all fucked up.”

“Knowledge is like lightning. With sex.”

“Oh, no—I wasn’t assuming he was at all. But yeah, one hit wonders suck.”

“That’s like this bible scripture book I had. It said there was a sheep in it. I’ve been
looking for that sheep since I was seven years old.”

“How many were we? We were eight guys, and we would eat a whole goat between us.
That’s after the stew, and… By the end we had eaten everything but the skin. That was
the best week of my life.”

“No but I can’t eat broccoli at home! It is too strong. These ones taste so earthy…”

“The problem with old people is that they refuse to believe they’ve gotten old.”

“If I could have a bar in my bathroom—and mad speakers—and my TV…”

“Looks like a Christmas cake tophat”—Kendi

“That would be awesome and legendary. If you counter the attack then it will be a
fatality.”

“I used to be asked those questions by my geography teacher: ‘do you think this is a
jumping circus?’ Shit like that.”

‘Are you drunk?’
“Not really I just don’t feel like coordinating myself.”

“How much do you like purple? We are not allowed to wear purple on the same day.
And I love purple.”

“I used to have an imaginary friend. (later) Yeah I made him up.”

“I love getting my head massaged but I don’t see how that could give me an erection.”

“I rarely create words, honestly.” (I make words up a lot)

“I’m not special enough to be in the circus. That’s actually so annoying!”

“All that I could think of had to do with blowjobs.”

“Well yeah it is like sex in my mind I guess… When there is a connection between mind
and book… Yeah I don’t

About Dr Seuss:
“What the fuck is this? A book for retards?”

About 6-foot subs:
“I wonder if fat couples buy those and eat together to the center.”

“Wait, okay, but not small dicks. Like regular sized dicks, when there aren’t better
alternatives like tongues, or fingers… or feet.” (no homo)

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