Birthdays

I remember when the birthday wsa that day when the whole family came over, sang cheery songs, you blew out the candles and mummy or Auntie nani helped you cut the cake (God forbid you should hold the giant knife on your own). In the morning you woke u[p gorged with junk food and filled with the bliss of having swindled the relatives out of money and presents. Ah, happy times.

Well that lasts till you hit sixteen in this country, from then on the morning after the birthday is dominated by questions like

“where am i?”

“what’s her name again?”

“What the F***k did i drink last night”

SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS

Yes the birthday is the best excuse for an all night drinking binge, club hopping, SHOT SHOT SHOTS  and various colourful insults hurled at that purveyor of sadness Mututho (the monster.) It’s not just you who suffers the ill fates of your birthday by the way, your buddies (those evil people who never seem to run out of alcohol funds) are also out their keeping up with you, or trying to. They buy you shots as they down a few themselves and never stop encouraging you to take more

“Dude take twenty shots since your turning twenty”

Angela's birthday two years ago

Isn that the dumbest s**t you’ve very heard? So when I’m turning thirty i should just get ready to have my stomach pumped eh? alcohol poisoning *pap*.

What about the mythical birthday weekend? The one that starts Thursday and ends monday morning with you in the office/class asking yourself why you could ever be that stupid. Four days of nonstop

-pub hopping

-tabletop dancing

-liquor store raids

-drug injestion

-non stop club attendance

Presents fom various friends on my birthday last year

The birthday weekend is the solution to Kenya’s population problem! You go to the club and think there’s too many young one’s there just introduce them to the birthday weekend and see if they’ll ever ever touch a drink again… Then again maybe they’ll drink even more lol

p.s- Billy Ray Cyrus will you please answer my emails!! How many mbuzis or ng’ombes do i need to send for miley eh?

p.p.s- I keep seeing my young cousin in the club nowadays!! I look at her pictures on facebook and NGAI!!! what are kids these days doing??

p.p.p.s- if Miley won’t mary me i know Selena will…can’t keep waiting for willow smith to grow up