Speech for Presidential Campaign. K.K.K


Hamjambo my fellow wananchi! We are here today to celebrate the life of our dearly departed colleague and drinking mate Michael Kalinga. Michael was a man who truly loved his beer and once the diabolical minister for internal security George Saitoti plotted to rid kenya of all drinkers (by limiting drinking hours) Michael was one of the first to lose the fight against alcohol deprivation. Well I am here to tell you that such an occurence will not remain the norm as it is becoming all over Kenya.
No longer will kenyans be denied beer, vodka, brandy, wine, whiskey or blackice… Ok maybe that last one.
No longer will KissTV be allowed to drown us in horrible programming and they will officially be ordered to return to the old system of broadcasting. Where ClassicTV had the horrible shows and KissTV aided the youth with an easy mind numbing excuse for music broadcasting.
No longer will any television station be allowed to air mexican, portugese or any brown people (no racism) television shows filled with the same plots. From now on all channels will be forced to show reruns of Neighbours (my favourite and only soap…apart from imperial leather,silky smooth is it not ).
KBC on the other hand, my fellow citizens, will no longer, AND i repeat no longer be allowed to broadcast in this great land and will henceforth be banned to somalia for being inexplicably boring. Once there they will be bombed repeatedly because at this particular juncture we will be blowing up the entire country and dealing with the security issue; the bombings and threats we’ve been receiving here in the country of our forefathers will no longer trouble us.
And finally this twitter thing will never be taken for granted and with the blessing of Madame Karua, who is somewhere currently curing cancer or doing something awe inspiring, all kenyan’s will have verified accounts through the Goverment’s registration system. Also voting will be carried out via twitter allowing us to receive results in REAL-TIME!
Kazi Kwa Kiboi!!!
Vote K.K.K for a better Kenya. oh btw rest in peace Michael i’m sure you are drinking as much you please in the Giant Bar in the sky with the Big Brewer. If only Kenya’s current was civilized enough to allow us to drink when we want to.
Kazi Kwa Kiboi


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