Jesus twitter pag (funny shit i swear)

  1. Nine years ago today 19 men came to my doorstep expecting 72 virgins. Little did they know how fucked they were going to be. about 7 hours ago via web
  2. Still trying to figure out the Facebook thing. Is Satan on this? I wanna Poke him. about 1 hour ago via web

  3. And the Lord said unto all his haters, “Fucketh ye all of ye. If ye don’t like me bloweth me.” about 16 hours ago via web

  4. Dad doesn’t hate “Fags.” Dad hates @meganphelps about 17 hours ago via web

  5. This #AbortionClinicPlaylistSongs tag is really making my decision of who’s going to Hell a lot easier. about 18 hours ago via web

  6. #dontyoujusthateitwhen you have to tell someone they’re going to Hell? Not me, sometimes I do my dougie afterwards. about 19 hours ago via web

  7. Here’s one more miracle for you all: The feeling you get after putting Gold Bond Powder on your balls. Thursday, September 09, 2010 11:23:27 PM via web

  8. Seriously though, I think the only way to get Russell Brand to take a shower would be to re-name it “Vicodin.” Thursday, September 09, 2010 9:15:05 PM via web

  9. Russell Brand has a million+ followers, which sounds impressive until you learn that 2/3rds of them are fleas. Thursday, September 09, 2010 9:02:32 PM via web

  10. Twitter just suggested that I follow Russell Brand. You listening, Katy Perry? Thursday, September 09, 2010 8:51:18 PM via web

  11. Good thing Pastor Terry Jones likes fire so much. Thursday, September 09, 2010 3:27:22 PM via web

  12. Please don’t let the Quran burners be Christian, please don’t let them be Christian. *Checks* FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU Thursday, September 09, 2010 11:25:33 AM via web

  13. My only regret is that I never got to wipe my ass with the towel of Judas Iscariot. Thursday, September 09, 2010 10:51:58 AM via web

  14. I’m trying to get Jonah to join Twitter. #fatstrippernames might be just the thing to convince him. Wednesday, September 08, 2010 9:53:15 PM via web

  15. #3wordsaftersex Christ’ll come again. Wednesday, September 08, 2010 9:02:33 PM via web

  16. I only said love your neighbor as yourself because I was living next door to Scarlett Johansson. Wednesday, September 08, 2010 6:55:55 PM via web

  17. You ever play the claw game, and you’re trying for an awesome prize, but you grab a crappy one? Yeah, sorry Rich Cronin. I wanted JT. Wednesday, September 08, 2010 6:27:14 PM via web

  18. It’s pretty nice being all-knowing. I never forget my mom’s birthday, September 8th–OH MY DAD THAT’S TODAY Wednesday, September 08, 2010 5:20:34 PM via web

  19. I call my weed the Koran, because burning that shit will get you stoned. Wednesday, September 08, 2010 3:04:37 PM via web

  20. #whotoldyou you could get into Heaven while spewing hate? Wednesday, September 08, 2010 1:33:27 PM via web

  21. I’ll never snort coke with Soulja Boy again. Shoulda known dude would have the weakest lines. #SouljasCokeHabit Tuesday, September 07, 2010 7:52:05 PM via web


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