The complete guide to drinking here, ok maybe not complete but alot of stuff methinks

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Since my last post this is the first time i’ve been sober enough to type or even to walk into school. I know ,i know drinking like this is unhealthy but what’s worse is that i came to this school to stop drinking. Anyway here it is, the complete alcoholics guide to my uni, daystar athi river 🙂 (i’m hoping that this doesn end up in google and get me expelled so no i won’t put any tags)
The closest local pub is like 5km from the campus gate and any sort of man made thing. First timers usually freak out when the go there, i know i did 😦 5kms is a long FAHKEN distance. And it’s through tall grass with like zebras and stuff. (by and stuff i’m refering to the leopard we saw yesterday, or the hyena and scorpion from friday). Funny thing is every single day, under threat to my life i still go back there. Pretty sad i know but, IT’S GOT BEERS(did you know that germany attacked france in world war II because the germans were making beer and the french were making namby pamby wine:fact). Anyway at pioneer {called pio pronounced payo} whiskey does not exist and really isn considered. Beers are warm and the highlight drink is called maasai. Cheapest brandy ever real name not known, 50ksh for a nasty high. Or if your the rich type you can branch out for kenya king gin that melts your tongue while you swallow it(no seriously, i met a local chap who’d lost his tongue to it…plus he bit himself but that’s besides the point).
I LOVE YOU CASSANDRAE
Oh and the maasai thing, got guys blind in central province…i’m just saying.
Aside from the pub off campus hostels throw mad ragers nearly every day. Been to about ten parties, (five on monday) and slowly i’m beginning to think that i’m not the only one who lied about never drinking in my application form, seriously. The hostels act like fraternities more or less, the wildest( nicknamed las vegas cause it’s sin city) was shut down after an exposé in the school newspaper (which i will take over). Apparently streaking naked across the compound is wrong, adam and eve did it… AND THEY’RE IN THE BIBLE!
Problem with the hostel parties is cops, got arrested twice on monday 😦 first time was by a cop in full uniform AND SANDALS. He lectured us for about an hour on the merits of study while his underling, also a cop, walked around picking money from us like it was the church collection (i should mention that we were sitting on the grass btw like twenty people). Second cop was a hard headed bugger who completely refused bribes, atleast he was wearing boots but the fact that he was smoking, chewins miraa and SOMALI was just wrong!!! (Is nothing sacred anymore, as in, how are they in our police force? IT’S AN INVASION!!!) somehow our numbers went down from 20 to 5. Where everyone else went i’ve got NO CLUE,but i’m pretty sure i saw michelle dive into a bush or was it someone elses house, booze is bad (yes Wangai your girlfriend). So mr. Somali cop dude finally agrees to take the bribes… From everyone APART FROM ME!! So as everyone gets back to the party he starts dragging me off towards the police station, seeing as i was drunk and hopped up on ritalin i figured it’d look horrible if the cops told the campus dean that on my first week i ended up in a cell. So i pulled a stunt, it went something like this
Me: Where do you think your taking me eh?
Him: Kwa cell ofcourse, wewe ni mjinga aina gani hujui hivyo?
Me: Do you even KNOW WHO I AM. I’m adam freakin kiboi!! I could call my mother and have YOU arrested eh? Ebu bring your radio i speak with your sergeant, i would like to hear HIS thoughts on this matter, and give me a cigarette.(major bluff)
Him: eti jina yako ni gani
Me: adam kiboi, i’ve gone back inside but please eh, next time be sure

Apparently i was lucky lol,having pulled a stunt like that and lived but i’m pretty sure next time i see him… Ever watched “black hawk down”? I’m sure the chief of police hasn other wise the somali cops would be given walking sticks instead of machine guns. Anyway ttyl it’s 5 in the morn i think and i’ve got class in three hours, methinks i’ll message kui then go beddy byes

“we’re here because of the beer, ngo discuss other things outside because we…will…discuss…what…we…want…to…drink”-local chap at the pub. Passed out right after saying this

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8 responses »

  1. what a major coincidence..got bitch-slapped by the coppers on friday night at some local..apparently the 11pm licence deadline is VIOLENTLY APPLIED come endmonth..so i parted with a bit of my salo…and just how do you throw the diva CASSANDRAE randomly kwa blog hivo. you two crazy kenyans.. i lied too bout being a non-partaker of fluids non-water…great stuff bro.

  2. Does you WP automatically put “I LOVE YOU CASSANDRAE” in your posts..? Cuz in that case, please have your WP gimme a call, thanks.

    🙂

  3. Gosh Adam what was that DM? You know I love you too, do I gotta keep saying it? Ok maybe that comment needed more smileys. Insert these ( :-* :-* :-* )

    Better?

  4. Duuuuuuuuuuddddeeeeee…!!:D…… siku za ninja ni arubaini……..a ninja has 40 arabian nights…:)

  5. what message is this tht i dint receive lovie o nd hahaha 🙂 btw tht stunt u pull next tym modify nd use a kafrench accent so tht they think ur madd diplomatic lol 🙂 lavv it

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