alcohol warnings

Standard

so the medical society of Kenya has asked the government to force EABL to add warnings to the alcohol they produce (from their press release and yes…eabl press releases are emailed to me lol). like two years ago or sumn (i dont know really could’ve been last night) i saw these suggestions for warning labels on booze 🙂 so HI EABL READ THESE…(at least mine are real…liver cirrhosis*spelling* is a modern myth)

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

Warning:
Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a w@nker.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in (or walk away leaving you talking to yourself…elvin your not a real friend 8))

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-girlfriends are really dying for you to call them at 4 in the morning (sorry christine and bunji…and nicole…and nyambura…and olivia..and stephanie..and the rest…*i really cant remember all*)

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your clothes.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

Warning:
Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose name, and/or species you can’t remember).

Warning:
Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.(or arse)

Warning:
Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you possess mystical Kung-Fu powers.(I AM A NINJA)

Warning:
Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you.

Warning:
Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

Warning:
Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.

so eabl…how much are you paying for these hmmmm?

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