Why weekends are hard.


The weekend. The greatest excuse to get ‘piss in your pants’ drunk wander through strange neighbourhoods singing church songs and to go to whatsherface and explain to her the fundamentals of leaving her boyfriend for a one night stand (which has happened-yes turn green with envy). As usual the weekend starts at the pub hunting down that elusive beer (yes i was broke) and a whatsherface to keep me occupied for the fifteen beers -on a tab with my name never to be paid-. Five hours of hard drinking and even harder sessions of trying to remember the names of the girls me and billy have convinced that we’re the vice presidents nephews we crammed the two girls into a taxi and left. destination: westlands mission: to get laid by morning.
four bribes for bouncers later and thirteen skillful dodges of creepy somalis in the parking lot selling shoes-or guns (or maybe it was the same guy, they all look alike, not a racist statement) we were in the club. At this point we realize we probably made a horrid choice of girls back at the rub. We’re sitting in one of the booths i’m trying to sneak in some pretty slick lines that will eventually help with the mission objective i pointed out earlier but the girls want to talk about the draft constitution. Really? I don’t think billy was having any more luck on his end either. But Ha! We’re men, and nothing can block us from the pursuit of lungula. Rather smoothly we lure them to the dancefloor (still dodging somalis, or the same one from the door, this time he was selling miraa or whatever they’re chewing all the time). While on the dancefloor i spotted Adam a buddy from the good old days of the hutch. With him is nani who i’d met online and turns out to be much prettier in person. I ditch costitution and head for them and nani recognizes me immediatly and we start flirting 🙂 more luck with her and soon i’m pretty much sure that the mission is safe! I sneak off from her to tell billy that he was alone with our previous conquests before i dash back to where nani is standing facing the bar. Feeling cheeky i walk up to her and spank her (oh yes naughty me she was wearing a really short skirt). She turns around slaps me and screams that strangers should NEVER do that to other people. Confusion.’ Strangers?’ adam standing next to her bursts out laughing at my really perplexed look since only five minutes ago i was sure me and her were way beyond strangers. ‘bartender please call the bouncer this random boy just grabbed my ass ‘. Thinking quickly i dodge off back to the booth where billy is with our first picks of the night. I grab his beer down it all, down mine and order shots which are also downed super uber fast. Ten minutes later nani walks up to me and sits on my lap and kisses me. I’m still in shock over the strangers vibe so i’m ready to toss her off. Then she said five heavy words ‘Adam tells me you’ve met my sister.’ it’s my honest opinion that twins who gn to clubs together should not dress alike. Or go to clubs together. In the end the mission failed but we got constitution girls to pay for the taxi bill which was like 2k. Not a total fail anyway


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