The provisions of the CHIPS ACT are as follows: 1. Section 2(1) provides that a chips shall always appear in a club looking fresh. Sweaty mamas wakae home. 2. A chips shall never ask for payment after a night of sec………luded fun in a secluded place. Chipsing is free. Asking for credit, fare back home shall be taken as asking for payment and will result in disciplinary action.
Greetings readers. Before you get your hopes up, this is not the daily/weekly/monthly dose of madness you’ve no doubt come to expect from this blog. This isn’t even Adam writing. I’m willing to bet he’s reading this somewhere dropping his cigarette and yelling, “That bastard”! Yes Adam, I (Gachagua) have (once again) infiltrated your blog. Why you ask? Two reasons.
Once again, greetings readers. Seeing as you’re alive and reading this you made it through 2011. So I’m going to guess you’re not enemies of the United States.
Get it?
Like I said, I have something important to tell you- but I’m not telling you today. This is just the warning shot. This is Martin Luther King the night before his “I have a dream” speech saying, “im off to bed now, let’s see how this turns out.” This is me announcing that ill make an announcement, sometime, some day in the future on this blog. A pre-announcement
Its going to be huge! Bigger than the super announcement on New years day…you don’t know what im talking about? Of course, you were all recovering from your hangovers. Ill repeat it here.
Just like him to give presents on his own birthday
Yes, bigger than learning Jesus is Santa! (Aside: it is now acceptable to curse in Santa’s name). So look out people. You don’t want to miss it. Over and out
-Gachagua
Its sad i need to write sumn like boobs to get you pervs to read my posts 
so yeah you all just got owned and conned into reading this awesome piece of info i have for you. Took me hours and nearly a litre of vodka to get this out so…i hope you love it. Since it was written by a drunk, ignore the typos 
Girls, you need to realize that we don’t care if you talk to other guys right. But if you’re sitting next to me and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah that’s f!cking irritating. It doesn help if you just sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we’re there. We don’t care if he calls .or texts< at 2 in the morn but it is a little concerning. It can’t wait till morning??!? Nothing is thaaaat important. Also when we tell you you’re pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/stunning, we freakin mean it. Don’t tell us ati we’re wrong, because one day b!tch we’ll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Yeah go out there and quote me.
Kiss us when no-one is watching. If you kiss us when you know someone IS looking, we’ll be more impressed. Plus you don’t have to get all dressed up for us. If I’m going out with you in the first place, you don’t have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt or put on a million different kinds of makeup. We like you for who you are and not what you are. Honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she’s just in her pj’s, or in my tshirt and boxers (angela take notes ) not aaaall dolled up.
Stop taking things all seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful. See the beauty in it. Don’t get angry easily. Stop using magazines/tumblr/media as your bible. Stop telling us how “hott” J cole, Chris Brown or Trey Songz is. It’s boring and we don’t care, share that info with your girlfriends and gay friends who might give a sh!t. And whatever happened to the words handsome and beautiful. I’d be utterly stunned if a girl walked up to me and greeted me with “Hey handsome” instead of ‘’hey babe/cutie/sexy/ whatever adjective you saw on the facebook’. On the other hand I’m not saying I wouldn like it either 
. Girls, I can never stress this enough: If you are being treated like crap by a guy, don’t wait for him to change. And don’t pull that “love” nonsense come oooooon. I know most of you who’ll read this are like in their early 20s and late teens, you don’t freaking know what love is yet. I’m 20 and practically a genius (hehehe you know I am) and I still don’t know what love is. Not even a hint. So ditch that guy’s sorry ass, he’s a disgrace to the awesome male population. Unless you’re ugly. Because if you are you’ll never replace him (hey I said I’d just be real on this post). Find someone who’ll treat you right like you’re in an RnB music video or sumn, someone who respects your morals and will make you smile when you’re at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even if you make mistakes, and will care about you no matter how you make them feel sometimes. Someone who will stop what they’re doing just to stare into your eyes. (and if he does this while he’s gaming b!tch please!! Marry that man!).If he does use those three gay words, “I Love You” and the look in his eyes actually say he means it or he thinks he does then, keep him and be sure about it, cause he might just be an awesome liar. If he writes you poetry…B!TCH PLEASE
p.s- Guys, life is too short to worry or complain about everything that comes your way so stop, smell the roses in life because you might never have more time with that girl, she might be going out of the country for school or sumn and long distance is…hard. I know this and I haven even started my stint yet, so take a chance with her but also don’t forget if it doesn work out then fine, there are always more roses to smell.
p.s.s- I never wrote this for the benefit of the wife lol so stop assuming although I did put in a few hints
p.s.s.s- she understands that the collection of Miley Cyrus videos in my laptop are for EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES…ok I hadn told her but now she knows I have the videos
p.s.s.s.s- the rumors that I’m waiting for Willow Smith to turn 18 so I can start cyber stalking her are complete almost lies…I’m waiting for her to turn 17
p.s.s.s.s.s- go TEAM MISS KARUN. Join our facebook page..yeah we started one.
p.s.s.s.s.s.s- have you seen the trailer for expendables two? as in chuck Norris is in it…CHUCK FREAKIN NORRIS!! omg omg omg omg omg. I nearly died after watching the preview.
now here are some pictures to make you giggle and think about me as the MEME GOD…TTYL world
I finally got round to actually putting up the application form that i was sending out like two months ago. (if you follow the blog you might remember that post, then again if you follow this blog you’re probably on more drugs than…most people)so i figure if you click the link it’ll download to whatever you’re using to browse unless you’re on symbian S40 (lookit all your faces going “huwhatdidhejuzsay?”). It features basic questions touching on oral sex, boob size, I.Q (im not saying dumb girls are easier but…hehehehe) and fcourse STD’s and all that.If you aren pretty dont even bother downloading it..also if you get easily offended…then again what would you be doing on this blog if you were
Download and fill it out ladies and the chaps can download it and edit out my name and send it out. promise i wont sue..(finger’s crossed)
APPLICATION TO BE ADAM KIBOI’S GIRLFRIEND<<—this is the link to click for the form btw. It’s a PDF so you need (blah blah blah blah) to read it.
I know at this bit you’ve come to expect random elements and additions about my new disney crush but jus not feeling up to it today so here’s a picture of a kitten and the inevitable spidey memes which will take me a while to get over. As in the old school spiderman was just creepy right?
ps: on the facebook i saw a post on how when she hits 18 willow smith might go all rihanna on us…how exciting is that?! too bad she’s not on disney *sigh*
#notapedophile
p.s.s: also check out my penguins!!! was going to get fishies but they kept stalking my mouse and asking for more and more food so i stuck with baba pingu and his crowd..
TTYL WORLD
Antony Mwangi, aka AntoNeoSoul has released the much anticipated video to Chips Funga.
Chips Funga is a slang term in Kenya denoting women who are picked up for one night stands.
Anto has been in the music industry for several years, and his reputation as a live gigging musician is steadily gaining him an appreciative audience.
In addition, he’s also starred on the popular show that focuses on the current youth’s fast-lane lifestyle.
1. Take pictures of their feet. As they stand around in a circle.
2. Express their extreme annoyance at this work/school day today and hint that it deserves a much needed alcoholic beverage at the end of it. WINK WINK. “class sucks balls need a beer after this @FIFI’s”
3. Thank theirboyfriend for being the bestin the world while their hubby is sitting right next to them.
4. Complain about bad service at restaurants. Never eating at Java AGAIN!
5. Express their extreme excitement to see their best friends tonight, Britney, Njeri, and Wambui!!! LUV U GIRLSSS!!
6. Take pictures of undeserving food. Nom Nom Noms
7. Make their status the song lyrics of any lil Wayne or YMCMB song. “I”m NICKi MInaJ BiTcH”
8. Put up a picture of someone they deem inferior to themselves in some way with the question: Really?
9. Write angry letters to companies (Dear KPLC, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants…), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?! or Goddamn traffic JAM ARGH)
10. Subtly yell at no one in particular while being very specific. Wow, it’s hard to believe that you think you know someone and then they turn around and STAB YOU IN THE BACK. Will never make that mistake again. EVER.
11. Document exceedingly mundane activites for the day: Getting some new pants today probably try them out at Mr. price before i get them but not too sure last time forgot the tag,hmm maybe i’ll get pic n mix at junction or kfc but i’m getting fat so maybe a salad, or sandwich, not sure but candy has calories yah??
12. Express their distaste for Facebook on Facebook and threaten to leave Facebook to their Facebook friends.
13. Take pictures wearing a lot of makeup and looking really preppy while simultaneously making a “hard” facial expression and holding up what they consider to be a gangster sign. Potential caption: Straight thuggin.
14. Ask seemingly redundant questions. If i smoke weed and get vodka i’ll get drunk yah?
15. Write a status in another language. Parce que, Je suis tres intelligente!!
16. Have really stupid names instead of their real names like
aaand btw this is a chap^^
thaaat’s all i can type for now but gimme a few more hours and i’ll top it up here’s TTYL world
P.S- i now actually have a girlfriend. Like a real one her name’s Angela. Don’t try facebook her my loyal groupies for she will not be bothered by death threats lol
P.S.S- i knooow you still want me lol
I’m honestly too scared to put up my other posts because i’m not sure if they live up to my super awesomness. So i’ll keep em on ice but here’s a little teaser from a site I frequent. Dear women dont blame me blame society lol
Please sign, I, the undersigned, agree that…
1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.
2. I fully understand that a woman’s main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team lose, I agree that – by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman – it will be my fault. Even if I wasn’t there.
3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak.
4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.
5. After sex, I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will let my hair annoyingly get in your face.
6. I will never, ever give your penis a “cute” nickname.
7. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.
8. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have “ruined me for other men”.
9. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you’re in charge of the lot. Except for the iron and the washing machine, of course.
Signed ____________________________________
Date ______________________________________
I, P. Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
P. Niss
The Response..
Dear P. Niss:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely, V. Gina
Giving that person your number:-
A person being in the same orientation group as you, remembering your name, and seeming “nice enough” might seem like good enough reasons to give them your phone number, but by the time you’ve realized the error of your ways, your phone will be so inundated with “sup?”s, “u kulads?”s, and 50 page texts about how much Kibao they pretended to drink last night or think they did. Kumbe you just know the guy had blacked out alone…at 7, watching vampire diaries (gay gay gay gay show btw)! Aaaaaaand there’s also that girl, the one who you thought was pretty, interesting and fun. Unfortunately after enough off campus parties you realize she’s the dodge and probably has herpesgonorheAIDS or some similar disease. Cause that b%&^#h is looser than the story line of a Kenyan tv show (oh yeah I went there you guy write shit scripts live with it.)
Taking that picture:-
If your like me and you have your entire family on your profile random drunk plans with digicams are always hell once they hit the interweb. Especially after your buddy’s comments of
“Whoa bro epic night”
“you guy you were so f*&^king”
“Where did you get sooo much weed guy!!”
You get Auntie Nani’s comments of “Why would a grown man do this you need to be an adult nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada nada yada you could have been the president, is this the behavior fit of a president, hmmm young man??”
It’s sad that your friends seeing you passed out drunk with a carrot in your mouth is less embarrassing than them knowing that you could have been president, lol.
Falling in love:-
I’ve seen you guys in school, gone to parties with you and endured long boring phone conversations and facebook updates. Love will make you do crazy things and by crazy I mean annoying and by annoying I mean REALLY FUHKING annoying! Trust everyone’s roommate hates their other roommates girlfriend or at least dislikes her immensely. Especially if said roommate is single. Trust heartbreak is bad but even worse is having to eat in the dining hall alone because you were dumped and you’re roommate is just tired of you moping about because you’re so sad
You know it's true
Not backing up your PC:-
Losing your half-finished term paper, entire iTunes Library, and high score on Halo to a particularly hard to grasp bottle of milk pilfered from the cafetiria is bad. Losing that all because, despite ordering one six months ago, you still had not gotten around to backing up all of your files on an external hard drive is the absolute worst—at least as far as first-world problems go. Which, thanks to your clumsy hands, you’ll have to finish reading about on your smart phone, or tablet, or roommate’s laptop. The computer labs..never an option . no one has the time to struggle with terrible net speeds.
Learning the guitar:-
It’s well documented that playing the guitar will do wonders for your social life. If you can strum the right notes, pluck the right strings, all of the girls will want you and all of the guys will want to be you. Learning how to play the guitar, however, will have a far less advantageous effect. All of the guys will want to beat you, and all of the girls will want you to move away from where they’re catching rays out on the quad. Practice may make perfect, but it also makes roommates “forget” your pillowcase isn’t a wastebasket. Don’t be that guy, for you will be smacked by me when I see you. Such a DOUCHE!!
such...a...douche
Going for that party instead of studying:-
It’s still up for debate whether or not you could actually call it a party, but whatever it was really threw a 200ksh all-you-can-drink-as-long-as-it’s-only-two-shots-of-kibao wrench into your scholarly schedule. It would have been one thing if you ended up sucking face with Jessica Njoki, but the fact that she stayed in to study with the guy you sit next to in class was a total slap in the face.. especially since he’s the cunt with the guitar!
Studying instead of going for that party:-
Oh come on you know on this blog this had to be here! Studying instead of the soiree is never a good idea. They don’t make movies about people taking tests in college. Well, they might, but they probably don’t do that well in the box office. It would have been one thing if you ended up doing well on the exam, but the fact that you got the same grade as a guy who not only went to the party, but hooked up with Jessica Njoki, was a total slap in the face. AND HE STILL HAS THAT GUITAR (fact: Adam Kiboi hates guitars)
I’m too tired to finish the list so pffft just live with these for now, maybe I’ll update this later. Besides I want to talk about something random but I can’t even think of anything to add!! I’m off my addiction to Disney divas and I’m still single and searching but there are a few candidates. Yes you know yourself, you probably got the first link to this post, aaaand with good reason. TTYL world sorry my sign off wasn as interesting as I’d love it to be, or you would…oooooor just f&*^k it. Oh and do the pretty cool flow chart below, you need to know this lol
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