facts about campus that if you read you’ll get laid tonight

No you wont really get laid because you read this but the more shallow readers need some motivation..you know them..the ones who open the emails that say “Read this and learn how to grow your penis by 10 inches”. Anyway here’s the facts on campus  ->

1: doesn matter what time that class starts if it’s the first one of the day, you’ll sleep in it anyway
2: students in uni also do dumb isht in class, spitballs (monday 23rd) or paper jets (Wednesday 25th).
3: Every clock in the building was set so that you could be late for class. If  the clock says it’s 10:30 then know it’s 11 and you are late for     your economics class
4: It doesn matter what you got in KCPE, KCSE or your IGCSE’s because as soon as you finished that uni application form you became as dumb as the people who work at ghetto radio and are proud of it.
5: It’s quite possible to know EVERYTHING about a particular unit/subject and completely fail the exam/test/CAT/RAT/quiz
6: It’s quite possible to know JACK SHIT about a particular unit/subject and totally pass the exam/test/CAT/RAT/quiz
7: punctuality is relative to the age of the student and the bile the lecturer bathed in in the morning. Sometimes you can show up ten minutes late and get the “where were you ” speech, or you can get the signal for “Just sit the f!ck down and shut up for the rest of the class”. Or if you’re a mature student you get the look from everyone in the room that says “hmm they probably had sumn better to do”
8: remember the way skipping a class in highschool was an adventure, now it’s just a kathing you do when it’s too cold or too hot to walk outside.
9: if you never been drunk…you will.
10: if you’ve never smoked..prepare yourself for a new habit
11: if you went to campus as a virgin.. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR A NEW HABIT
12: if you aren doing any of the last three things in uni you never will…unless you go back to uni again.
13: Psychology is in fact Biology
14: Biology is actually Chemistry
15: Chemistry is in fact Physics
16: physics is actually Math
17: So really all those years in highschool don’t count for sh!t
18: The ability to sleep anywhere is in all of us! Floors classrooms nani’s room, that kaugly girls bed..ANYWHERE
19: you learn the most stuff outside class. (Especially if it’s mucene!)
20: when you finish school you’ll realize that uni was the best time of your life because working just..sucks.
21: going home to mum’s house for dinner is just the best. Clothes washed for you, food is free aaand somehow you get money.

p.s- this post is not entirely original, i’ve seen sumn of the same theme earlier this year.
p.s.s- hi Neema Kwena how are yah?
p.s.s.s- I think my girlfriend is jealous of Miley and Selena. (because she knows if she leaves me i’ll end up with one of them)
p.s.s.s.s- that last post script was put there to get her to finally comment on my blog

aand now here are some meme’s to keep you giggling

Jesus love you (i think)

angie look this is me telling other girls to bug off

KENYAN CONSTITUTION: The chips(funga) Act

Reblogged from jawbreaker88:

The provisions of the CHIPS ACT are as follows: 1.       Section 2(1) provides that a chips shall always appear in a club looking fresh. Sweaty mamas wakae home. 2.       A chips shall never ask for payment after a night of sec………luded fun in a secluded place. Chipsing is free. Asking for credit, fare back home shall be taken as asking for payment and will result in disciplinary action. 3.       Chips should never come to the club with mummy,  daddy or girlfriend issues. Clubs are …

hahahahaha

A Great Announcement

Greetings readers. Before you get your hopes up, this is not the daily/weekly/monthly dose of madness you’ve no doubt come to expect from this blog. This isn’t even Adam writing. I’m willing to bet he’s reading this somewhere dropping his cigarette and yelling, “That bastard”! Yes Adam, I (Gachagua) have (once again) infiltrated your blog. Why you ask? Two reasons.

1. To remind you that you STILL owe me money.
2. There’s something your readers must know, so…on with it

Once again, greetings readers. Seeing as you’re alive and reading this you made it through 2011. So I’m going to guess you’re not enemies of the United States.

Get it?

Like I said, I have something important to tell you- but I’m not telling you today. This is just the warning shot. This is Martin Luther King the night before his “I have a dream” speech saying, “im off to bed now, let’s see how this turns out.” This is me announcing that ill make an announcement, sometime, some day in the future on this blog. A pre-announcement

Its going to be huge! Bigger than the super announcement on New years day…you don’t know what im talking about? Of course, you were all recovering from your hangovers. Ill repeat it here.

Just like him to give presents on his own birthday

Yes, bigger than learning Jesus is Santa! (Aside: it is now acceptable to curse in Santa’s name). So look out people. You don’t want to miss it. Over and out

-Gachagua

COLLEGE 101 prt 2:The Science of Partying (you’ll love this)

COLLEGE 101 prt 2:The Science of Partying.

BOOBS, Chuck norris and Miss Karun. Girls read this guys show this to your girls

Its sad i need to write sumn like boobs to get you pervs to read my posts so yeah you all just got owned and conned into reading this awesome piece of info i have for you. Took me hours and nearly a litre of vodka to get this out so…i hope you love it. Since it was written by a drunk, ignore the typos

Girls, you need to realize that we don’t care if you talk to other guys right. But if you’re sitting next to me and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah that’s f!cking irritating. It doesn help if you just sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we’re there. We don’t care if he calls .or texts< at 2 in the morn but it is a little concerning. It can’t wait till morning??!? Nothing is thaaaat important. Also when we tell you you’re pretty/beautiful/gorgeous/cute/stunning, we freakin mean it. Don’t tell us ati we’re wrong, because one day b!tch we’ll stop trying to convince you. The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. Yeah go out there and quote me.

Kiss us when no-one is watching. If you kiss us when you know someone IS looking, we’ll be more impressed. Plus you don’t have to get all dressed up for us. If I’m going out with you in the first place, you don’t have to feel the need to wear the shortest skirt or put on a million different kinds of makeup. We like you for who you are and not what you are. Honestly, I think a girl looks more beautiful when she’s just in her pj’s, or in my tshirt and boxers (angela take notes ) not aaaall dolled up.

Stop taking things all seriously. Sarcasm is a beautiful. See the beauty in it. Don’t get angry easily. Stop using magazines/tumblr/media as your bible. Stop telling us how “hott” J cole, Chris Brown or Trey Songz is. It’s boring and we don’t care, share that info with your girlfriends and gay friends who might give a sh!t. And whatever happened to the words handsome and beautiful. I’d be utterly stunned if a girl walked up to me and greeted me with “Hey handsome” instead of ‘’hey babe/cutie/sexy/ whatever adjective you saw on the facebook’. On the other hand I’m not saying I wouldn like it either . Girls, I can never stress this enough: If you are being treated like crap by a guy, don’t wait for him to change. And don’t pull that “love” nonsense come oooooon. I know most of you who’ll read this are like in their early 20s and late teens, you don’t freaking know what love is yet. I’m 20 and practically a genius (hehehe you know I am) and I still don’t know what love is. Not even a hint. So ditch that guy’s sorry ass, he’s a disgrace to the awesome male population. Unless  you’re ugly. Because if you are you’ll never replace him (hey I said I’d just be real on this post). Find someone who’ll treat you right like you’re in an RnB music video or sumn, someone who respects your morals and will make you smile when you’re at your lowest. Someone who will care for you even if you make mistakes, and will care about you no matter how you make them feel sometimes. Someone who will stop what they’re doing just to stare into your eyes. (and if he does this while he’s gaming b!tch please!! Marry that man!).If he does use those three gay words, “I Love You” and the look in his eyes actually say he means it or he thinks he does then, keep him and be sure about it, cause he might just be an awesome liar. If he writes you poetry…B!TCH PLEASE

p.s- Guys, life is too short to worry or complain about everything that comes your way so stop, smell the roses in life because you might never have more time with that girl, she might be going out of the country for school or sumn and long distance is…hard. I know this and I haven even started my stint yet, so take a chance with her but also don’t forget if it doesn work out then fine, there are always more roses to smell.

p.s.s- I never wrote this for the benefit of the wife lol so stop assuming although I did put in a few hints

p.s.s.s- she understands that the collection of Miley Cyrus videos  in my laptop are for EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES…ok I hadn told her but now she knows I have the videos

p.s.s.s.s- the rumors that I’m waiting for Willow Smith to turn 18 so I can start cyber stalking her are complete almost lies…I’m waiting for her to turn 17

p.s.s.s.s.s- go TEAM MISS KARUN. Join our facebook page..yeah we started one.

p.s.s.s.s.s.s-  have you seen the trailer for expendables two? as in chuck Norris is in it…CHUCK FREAKIN NORRIS!! omg omg omg omg omg. I nearly died after watching the preview.

now here are some pictures to make you giggle and think about me as the MEME GOD…TTYL world

girlfriend application form. (downloadable)

 

I finally got round to actually putting up the application form that i was sending out like two months ago. (if you follow the blog you might remember that post, then again if you follow this blog you’re probably on more drugs than…most people)so i figure if you click the link it’ll download to whatever you’re using to browse unless you’re on symbian S40 (lookit all your faces going “huwhatdidhejuzsay?”). It features basic questions touching on oral sex, boob size, I.Q (im not saying dumb girls are easier but…hehehehe) and fcourse STD’s and all that.If you aren pretty dont even bother  downloading it..also if you get easily offended…then again what would you be doing on this blog if you were

Download and fill it out ladies and the chaps can download it and edit out my name and send it out. promise i wont sue..(finger’s crossed)

APPLICATION TO BE ADAM KIBOI’S GIRLFRIEND<<—this is the link to click for the form btw. It’s a PDF so you need (blah blah blah blah) to read it.

I know at this bit you’ve come to expect random elements and additions about my new disney crush but jus not feeling up to it today so here’s a picture of a kitten and the inevitable spidey memes which will take me a while to get over. As in the old school spiderman was just creepy right?

ps: on the facebook i saw a post on how when she hits 18 willow smith might go all rihanna on us…how exciting is that?! too bad she’s not on disney *sigh*

#notapedophile

p.s.s: also check out my penguins!!! was going to get fishies but they kept stalking my mouse and asking for more and more food so i stuck with baba pingu and his crowd..

TTYL WORLD

Anto’s “Chips Funga” Video, & A Bonus Interview

Reblogged from A Kenyan Girl:

Antony Mwangi, aka AntoNeoSoul has released the much anticipated video to Chips Funga. Chips Funga is a slang term in Kenya denoting women who are picked up for one night stands. Anto has been in the music industry for several years, and his reputation as a live gigging musician is steadily gaining him an appreciative audience. In addition, he’s also starred on the popular show that focuses on the current youth’s fast-lane lifestyle. Not surprisingly, the song’s message doesn’t fall far from here. A while …

i finally found this post. love this jam

Things loadsa Kenyan’s do on the facebook

1. Take pictures of their feet. As they stand around in a circle.

2. Express their extreme annoyance at this work/school day today and hint that it deserves a much needed alcoholic beverage at the end of it. WINK WINK. “class sucks balls need a beer after this @FIFI’s”

3. Thank theirboyfriend for being the bestin the world while their hubby is sitting right next to them.

4. Complain about bad service at restaurants. Never eating at Java AGAIN!

5. Express their extreme excitement to see their best friends tonight, Britney, Njeri, and Wambui!!! LUV U GIRLSSS!!

6. Take pictures of undeserving food. Nom Nom Noms

 

7. Make their status the song lyrics of any lil Wayne or YMCMB song. “I”m NICKi MInaJ BiTcH”

8. Put up a picture of someone they deem inferior to themselves in some way with the question: Really?

9. Write angry letters to companies (Dear KPLC, I hate you!), unorganized groups of people (Dear slutty freshmen who think that leggings can be worn as pants…), and non-entities (Dear unseasonably cold weather, WTF?! or Goddamn traffic JAM ARGH)

10. Subtly yell at no one in particular while being very specific. Wow, it’s hard to believe that you think you know someone and then they turn around and STAB YOU IN THE BACK. Will never make that mistake again. EVER.

11. Document exceedingly mundane activites for the day: Getting some new pants today probably try them out at Mr. price before i get them but not too sure last time forgot the tag,hmm maybe i’ll get pic n mix at junction or kfc but i’m getting fat so maybe a salad, or sandwich, not sure but candy has calories yah??

12. Express their distaste for Facebook on Facebook and threaten to leave Facebook to their Facebook friends.

13. Take pictures wearing a lot of makeup and looking really preppy while simultaneously making a “hard” facial expression and holding up what they consider to be a gangster sign. Potential caption: Straight thuggin.

14. Ask seemingly redundant questions. If i smoke weed and get vodka i’ll get drunk yah? 

15. Write a status in another language. Parce que, Je suis tres intelligente!!

16. Have really stupid names instead of their real names like

aaand btw this is a chap^^

 

 

thaaat’s all i can type for now but gimme a few more hours and i’ll top it up here’s TTYL world

P.S- i now actually have a girlfriend. Like a real one her name’s Angela. Don’t try facebook her my loyal groupies for she will not be bothered by death threats lol

P.S.S- i knooow you still want me lol

sexist post from sicki lol

I’m honestly too scared to put up my other posts because i’m not sure if they live up to my super awesomness. So i’ll keep em on ice but here’s a little teaser from a site I frequent. Dear women dont blame me blame society lol

Please sign, I, the undersigned, agree that…

1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.

2. I fully understand that a woman’s main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team lose, I agree that – by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman – it will be my fault. Even if I wasn’t there.

3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak.

4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

5. After sex, I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will let my hair annoyingly get in your face.

6. I will never, ever give your penis a “cute” nickname.

7. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.

8. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have “ruined me for other men”.

9. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you’re in charge of the lot. Except for the iron and the washing machine, of course.

Signed ____________________________________

Date ______________________________________

Request for a raise (c&p from collegehumor.com) tres funny!!!

I,  P. Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response..
Dear P. Niss:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely, V. Gina